My biggest mistake.

I still miss you. It still hurts on occasion. I'm still holding onto a promise that was broken before it was ever made. And it's all so stupid, so pointless. And yet here I am, still searching for some sign of you, some small clue that you're still around. But I know you're not. And that makes me pathetic and weak. It makes me feel like crying. Maybe if I cry long enough, hard enough....it'll all wash away. They say tears cleanse the soul.....so many stars are placed in that sky each year with your name tagged on them, that you'd figure by now I'd have run myself dry. Or at least washed away the stain you left on my soul. But I haven't, and I probably can't. Guess I'm more the vampire than the werewolf. You changed me, touched a part of me that will forever be different. Will forever be there. Even if you aren't. Do I regret it? Sometimes I do. When the nights are nothing but a black abyss of pain. I regret it. But those nights are few and far between now. Though Adam has said that I've been particularly restless while sleeping as of late. I can't remember my dreams, I fought for so many years to not remember, to get up and be awake instantly, so I wouldn't have to remember the dreams of you. So I don't know what I dream about, I don't know if the restlessness ties into you at all. Probably not. The restless sleep is probably more because of him. Because I know time will change that too, and eventually he'll be gone too. But I can't dwell on that right now, I can't even accept it. But you will forever  be my biggest mistake. And you will forever be a scar, a reminder of what I once was, and what I have now become.

I need sleep....but I'm afraid. You might be there too.....And there's another break, another crack to try and fix. To repetitively study and tear at the scar with. Another piece of me....that will forever, in some way, belong to you.