Hehehe. Loved this and had to save it somewhere.

Got this from a relative in Montana. It's cute.

WHY WE SHOOT DEER

Why we shoot deer in the wild.(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.

The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.

There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand... kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ...... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they

just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly.. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp ... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal - like a horse - strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down..

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer.

Wow, long time.

Let's see, what is there to say today? The sun is shining, very nice. Makes me smile. I have an idea rolling around in my head, but it still has so much left unknown, and honestly, a lot of research that needs to be put into it. Like, how come I chose Odin to be cast out and locked up - to portray Lucifer or Satan or whatever the Bible bangers say his name was. How come it wasn't Thor? He's the more known of the Norse gods....but no, I chose Odin for some reason. I don't even remember much of the Norse mythology. Which is why I put the Norse gods to the task of upsetting the balance of Heaven. Cause the Greek ones are so well known in their own right. I figured the Norse gods needed a turn in the limelight I guess. And Crimzy. I feel like I don't even know the character I created. How does that work? Well, honestly, that's how all my characters work. I start with a basic idea, and then I learn as I write with them more. Too bad I haven't had the urge to write much with that idea. Well, and then there's the fact that I can't put my typewriter up anywhere. Which is frustrating as well. *sigh* Guess I didn't feel like updating as much as I thought I did.....
"Crossing lines....Small crimes.....Taking back what is mine...."

Ugh....I'm in a writing slump, and really it's a bit old.

So I keep wanting to write, needing to write.....and yet there is absolutely nothing there. I don't want to work on the Tachia story, cause if I'm truly honest, it wasn't mine to begin with. I mean, Tachia was a character I worked on, poured a lot of time, effort and tears into. But, the whole idea, the kingdoms at war, the love triangles and confrontations. That was all Abby and Ken's. Not mine. So honestly, I want nothing to do with any of it anymore. All I think about when I look over it, is her.
I'm getting better though, even though I'm still in the stage where I torment myself with visiting her journal once a week. But that'll pass too. The more I do it, the more I start realizing that it was all just childish stupidity. Things are much better this way. Though, if I'm honest(and I hold honesty to be a very important characteristic) then I'd have to say that sometimes I WISH there was a way for us to be friends. But as soon as I hear her voice, or we start IMing.....all my logical, well thought conclusions go out the mofo window. So this is how it has to be. And hopefully, a month or two from now.....I won't even remember why I wanted to have a friendship. I'm pretty much well past the whole hating aspect of it all. There's not a point in wasting my energy on something like that. One thing that has been brought up more though, is Bekah. I wonder how things are for her. I know Abby said that her and Bekah had stopped talking for one reason or another, not sure why. But, I remember having a fondness for the girl. Or maybe I was just fond of her cause Abby was so smitten by her, and I'd rather befriend than make waves. Hmmmm. Something more to think about.
Ugh, my head has been pounding ever since I took a shower this morning, not sure why. But slowly it's getting worse. I sure do bitch a lot, eh? Oh well, they don't tell you to journal because you're happy. Hehe. But, guess I'm going to go watch Hocus Pocus for the thousandth time with the kids. They LOVE this movie.....even more than I do. And It's been a favorite of mine for years now. Hehe. Cute how some things you can pass on to the kids. Anywho....have a good day all, enjoy the wonderful weather(course, unless you're not here, and then the weather might very well be wonderful).

Funny how the only promises I can't keep are those I make to myself....

I swore to myself after the last wound I would NEVER write about Abby again. I promised myself I was going to figure out a way to get over the addiction to that lunatic one way or another.....as well as help Karma along a bit. Hehe. Well, me being the sweetheart I am(I mean, the whole basis of Wicca is to love and respect all living things, even when Karma's being a bit slow on the whole 3 fold law there, it's the whole reason I started 'practicing' it. I mean, I'm the girl who says a silent prayer of forgiveness when I talk badly about my sister's boyfriends ex wife when she's being a....well, a very not nice word. Hehe.) I have given up on the whole curse/hex idea. And really it has nothing to do with my fear of my own Karmic ramifications. More so just the fact that, could I really live with myself if something horrible really did happen? Probably not. So I've tossed out the few hexes I found....though I'm working pretty hard on a binding spell for myself. Anyone have any laying around? Probably not, hey? Anywho. So here I am, it's been what? Three days since I've changed everything that could possibly allow us to get back in contact? The only thing the same is my email, and I already put her on the spam list. I still haven't deleted our messages on facebook, though I've been tempted on multiple occasions. Really though, it's the last thing I have. So I figure I'll leave them for a little while. I've already shocked my whole system by changing everything else. (Have I mentioned I don't do so hot with change? I mean, I know change is constant, probably the only thing in the world that is. And I get that sometimes change is for the better. But, I prefer things to be as I expect and as I've known. So, changing all my crap kinda screwed with my head a bit. I keep going to sign in to DJ and all of a sudden I'm like, oh yeah, you deleted that.) So, I didn't see a point in pushing my luck. But really, what's got me thinking about it now, is Sabrina's surgery. (Yes, my mind connects things that other people would never think are even similar in topic, much less connected, but that's my head.....it's all crazy there.) See, when we go to Minnesota, I'll be there for the full two weeks, and that's assuming they only want to keep her for two weeks....I really have a (sickening) feeling in my stomach that it'll be longer. So I approached the topic with Ma, since it'll basically be her and I there for the long haul. And I told her, what if they don't want to keep her for only two weeks? She said we'd have to find some sort of apartment we can rent by the month or week or something. And all of a sudden, I wanted to burst into tears. Cause, with Adam's promotion and what not, he won't be able to come with. And now I'm aware of how far we'll be. And all I can think about are those numerous nights I spent on the phone with Abby, bawling about this problem or that, or how I was feeling crazy....and all I wanted, all I really wanted, was to be held and kissed.....to be told it would be ok, to feel the safety of someone's arms around me as I cried. And now, here I am, all grown up, married......and once again I'll be alone, with my love hundreds of miles away. And it's tricky, talking on the phone. You feel so close, cause you can hear them. But at the same time, you know damn well that if you wanted to go and see them.....well you can't. There's miles and miles and miles separating you. It's a hopeless feeling, for those of you who haven't done the whole long distance relationship thing. And it just brings it all back. I mean, there's times where I'm having my crazy moments, and I'm sitting on Adam's lap, and he's holding me, and petting my hair and telling me how everything will work out, we'll be ok. And I can't help but compare, in my head, how nice it is to have him here, to feel his arms around me.....and how desperately I wanted that from Abby. Just once. So here I am, once again breaking promises to myself by thinking and writing about her. And she's probably just going on with life, happy to be rid of me. And I guess, oddly enough, that part of it doesn't hurt. What hurts the most is that I can't seem to force myself to fucking move on. And it's not even move on.....I don't know what it is. I guess it's letting go. And for some reason I just can't. Though I've no idea why not. It wasn't like it was that wonderful of a relationship. *shrugs* But I guess when you change yourself that much for one person.....when you become what you are, so to please and gather the affection of another, even when you don't want that person in your life anymore, don't want them like that......you still want their approval and praise. You still want to know that you're wanted. And when you know for a fact that you're not.....well, I guess it just screws things up. Screws you up. Ugh....this surgery is coming up so fast....and I have no idea how to prepare myself for ANY of the trauma that's coming with it. Not from Sabrina's aspect, not from Mom's aspect, or the kids.....and certainly not from mine. I hate long distance. *sigh* And I hate being able to keep promises I made to everyone else.....and not myself.

I feel like I'm suspended....in like a jelly substance or something.

So, I deleted LJ and DJ.....very sad moments for me honestly. I blocked the facebook, changed my number, have the email addy flagged as spam.....I guess all there is now is to change my AIM name. Ugh, I can't even begin to think of a new sn. Whatever though. Anywho....eventually I'll have some more writing to put in here. I actually got a brilliant idea earlier that I want to start on.

My biggest mistake.

I still miss you. It still hurts on occasion. I'm still holding onto a promise that was broken before it was ever made. And it's all so stupid, so pointless. And yet here I am, still searching for some sign of you, some small clue that you're still around. But I know you're not. And that makes me pathetic and weak. It makes me feel like crying. Maybe if I cry long enough, hard enough....it'll all wash away. They say tears cleanse the soul.....so many stars are placed in that sky each year with your name tagged on them, that you'd figure by now I'd have run myself dry. Or at least washed away the stain you left on my soul. But I haven't, and I probably can't. Guess I'm more the vampire than the werewolf. You changed me, touched a part of me that will forever be different. Will forever be there. Even if you aren't. Do I regret it? Sometimes I do. When the nights are nothing but a black abyss of pain. I regret it. But those nights are few and far between now. Though Adam has said that I've been particularly restless while sleeping as of late. I can't remember my dreams, I fought for so many years to not remember, to get up and be awake instantly, so I wouldn't have to remember the dreams of you. So I don't know what I dream about, I don't know if the restlessness ties into you at all. Probably not. The restless sleep is probably more because of him. Because I know time will change that too, and eventually he'll be gone too. But I can't dwell on that right now, I can't even accept it. But you will forever  be my biggest mistake. And you will forever be a scar, a reminder of what I once was, and what I have now become.

I need sleep....but I'm afraid. You might be there too.....And there's another break, another crack to try and fix. To repetitively study and tear at the scar with. Another piece of me....that will forever, in some way, belong to you.

Why do I enjoy tormenting myself?

So in the process of reading my old journals today, I stumbled across her old journals. Talk about self inflicted pain. Ugh. And I know that's what it'll do to me. I know in the end I'm going to be in that pain that grabs hold and refuses to let go. But I can't seem to stop myself. I'm seriously starting to wonder if I need professional help. I mean, I know I'm a bit co-dependent. But now I'm starting to wonder if I'm seriously addicted. I'm not sure you can become addicted to a person, but if you can, I think that may be my problem. Do they have a twelve step group for this kind of thing? Just a passing thought. "Hi, I'm Ali, and I'm addicted to Abby." Really, it's not as funny as I thought it would be. Didn't even bring a smirk to my lips. *sighs* That's when you know you're in trouble, when jokes don't even make you laugh, even the seriously disturbed ones. And I keep thinking it should be so easy, so simple, that I somehow must be missing the key, the trick, that moment where I go, 'Aha, now I see'. I keep waiting to wake up one morning and have no pain licking at the scars, no desire to even ponder what it is she's doing. But that's not coming....and it just seems to get harder, every day. I thought I was getting to that ok point, where I'd be fine. But then she's back for one hard assed comment or witty barb, and suddenly I'm back to that point, where I'm itching for the next fix. What can I say that hasn't all ready been said? What can I try that I haven't possibly all ready done? What else am I missing? You'd figure getting married and having kids would cause me to have a new view of this same old same old place. And though I've moved on, I don't want her friendship, I know that we'll never be together again and I'm ok with that too. But, I just can't let go. I can't force myself to break that tie, to surrender completely to the idea of no Abby in my life. Ugh....I'm a glutton for emotional pain. Perhaps it is time to seek professional help. *sigh* As much as I hate to admit that.